JamiroFan2000
Correspondent
Joined: 21 Mar 2002
Posts: 2881
Location: The Jamiroquaized States Of America
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 Posted: Wed Jun 14, 2006 19:36 |
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Can you spare a Anchorman (Comic Jape)
After a long spring and early summer spent out of transition, the fabled and much ridiculed Anchorman returns to the 'Jamiroquai News Network' studios. After checking in at the frontdesk, the Anchorman's best friend and modest sidekick, The Cameraman, starry-eyed upon initial view of him, runs over in disbelief. The Cameraman grabs the unexpecting Anchorman in a bearhug with him lightly quipping, "Oh boy, keep it down Tiger, it's only me!" Cameraman questions, "Darn it, where the hell have you been?" Anchorman collects himself and responds, "I have been on assignment, that is, 'personal assignment', at Sony/BMG!" Cameraman, with a look of surprise, questions, "Assignment? If you mean to find out what the Jamiroquai Greatest Hits Tracklisting is going to be, then we already know, it's nothing but singles." Anchorman, with a slight right eye flare of the eyebrow, replies, while prancing to the newsdesk, "Oh really? Oh I mean, yeah, I already knew that, and it has a companion Bonus CD of JK reading the nutrition facts off a can of dog food while his well trained Alsations bark 'Morning Glory' in the background, yet I know it all!"
The Cameraman, setting up, plays along saying, "Yeah sure right, Fan, did you find out anything while undercover at Sony?" Anchorman, while fumbling through some news sheets, replies back, "Oh well, I did find out that Jamiroquai originally signed a 10 album deal, but given the man whom signed Jamiroquai initially thought they were there to help manufacture Sony boomboxes, we was let go for being a manic depressive, and they rewrote the contract so they were listed as 'musicians', not 'boombox repairmen'. Also, Sony executives where REALLY tight pants, I saw too many 'carrots and apples' while walking their halls." The Cameraman, in a indifferent response, replies, "Wow, how incredibly pointless, thanks for the useless info, we're on in 3...2....1."
The camera pans in and Anchorman begins, "Hello Buffalobabes and Buffalogravy, I'm BACK, and boy have some things slightly changed. But that is not important, onto the main story of the day: Censor Me This Funkin! A few days ago, someone or something close to the band requested that David Rowe, whom I like to refer to as 'Dave' or 'Phil', to take off information about the first promo for the impending Jamiroquai Greatest Hits Compilation that will be released in fall 2006. The information, not even of Funkin Site origin, was taken off the site. I have prepared a short 'commentary' about this. WHAT THE FUDGE! I mean, it's a freaking promo, what did they expect to happen, the seller, in a fleeting moment of guiltness, pulls the promo off Ebay, flies to the UK and hands in back in the grimy hands of Sony/BMG, then meet punishment by listening to EVERY OTHER CRAPPY ARTIST ON THE LABEL? I mean, come on now, I know everything leaks these days, from dogs to sinks to Paris Hilton's brains to even music, but this is promo information, not the boxset compilation of 'Jerry Garcia's Best Moments From The Port-A-John'! Give us fans a break, and spend your time on more IMPORTANT label issues like 'What the hell will we do with Fiona Apple' OR 'When will we be merging with Heinz and make CDs out of tasty ketchup'? Thank you for listening to my ravings and see you soon with more news! Peace out!"
The Cameraman comments, "We're clear, that was a bit loopy Fan, are you REALLY alright?" The Anchorman, a bit tearly eyed, turns to Cameraman and gives a excuse, "I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me, I still CAN'T believe Taylor Hicks won the latest American Idol, I mean come on now, he is such a 'scarecrow', this guy should have been made a 'Dixie chick'!"
 Well haven't done one of these in a while, but I hope you found some facet of it funny ! Later!
Sincerely,
JamiroFan2000
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