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VirtuallyInsane
Joined: 10 Jun 2002
Posts: 868
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 Posted: Wed Jul 27, 2005 21:27 |
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Well what a variety of jokes with a similar theme!!!  |
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FRA
Jamily Coach & Correspondent
Joined: 07 Aug 2004
Posts: 5477
Location: London don
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| Posted: Wed Jul 27, 2005 21:34 |
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The Pastor was walking down the street, when he met a little girl all dressed in blue with frilly yellow ribbons.
--- She had a plump little dog on a leash. The Paster stopped and spoke to the little girl. " Hello dear you look very pretty in your now dress and that little doggie is so cute." Yes Pastor I got it for my birthday. The Pastor asked. "What do you call your doggie?" "We call him Porky , sir" she replied. "What an unusual name for a dog" said the Pastor " Why do you call him Porky?" "Because" said the little girl. " He fucks pigs"
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VirtuallyInsane
Joined: 10 Jun 2002
Posts: 868
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| Posted: Wed Jul 27, 2005 21:48 |
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Fra makes my point!!!   |
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Dye
Correspondent & Expert
Joined: 16 Nov 2003
Posts: 5146
Location: Planet Home; Buenos Aires, Argentina
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| Posted: Wed Jul 27, 2005 23:14 |
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A man goes to the doctor.
-Good morning, doctor.
-Good morning. What seems to be the problem?
-Well...my farts doesn't smell!! I wonder why!
The doctor says:
-Mmm.. ok, let's check... take off your pants and show me.
The guy takes off his pants and he releases a very smooth fart...
The doctor puts a strange face and says: 'ok, try again'
And the guy releases another one.
The doctor: 'another one please'
After the 3rd one, the guy asks: 'Doctor, please! What seems to be the problem?? Do I have to get a surgery??'
'Yeah, from your nose, you son of a bi*ch!!!!'
D! (dyego) |
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FRA
Jamily Coach & Correspondent
Joined: 07 Aug 2004
Posts: 5477
Location: London don
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ophone
Joined: 31 May 2005
Posts: 2191
Location: Lëtzebuerg
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| Posted: Thu Jul 28, 2005 07:58 |
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[quote="PietroChocko"]
| ophone wrote: |
| i dont get why you think belgians are dumb. try to stick with the whole "international community" feel of this place, so cite the Irish as dumb. |
With "international community" you are referring to the English-speaking world, in which the Irish are considered to be dumb. In the French-speaking world the Belgians are the dummies. Even the Germans close to the Belgian border, the Dutch and us Luxembourgers are laughing about them.
I may sound like a smart-ass, but I hope you stand corrected now Pietro. 
A funny fact is that the Belgians (the French-speaking at least) are making almost the same jokes about us Luxembourgers, than we do about them.
It's always a delight to exchange jokes with a Belgian. |
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PietroChocko
Joined: 02 Oct 2003
Posts: 676
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| Posted: Thu Jul 28, 2005 09:47 |
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[quote="ophone"]
| PietroChocko wrote: |
| ophone wrote: |
| i dont get why you think belgians are dumb. try to stick with the whole "international community" feel of this place, so cite the Irish as dumb. |
With "international community" you are referring to the English-speaking world, in which the Irish are considered to be dumb. In the French-speaking world the Belgians are the dummies. Even the Germans close to the Belgian border, the Dutch and us Luxembourgers are laughing about them.
I may sound like a smart-ass, but I hope you stand corrected now Pietro. |
no, you stand to be corrected. this is an international, english-predominant community here, so therefore the irish are the dumbies, not the belgians.
now YOU stand corrected. |
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ophone
Joined: 31 May 2005
Posts: 2191
Location: Lëtzebuerg
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| Posted: Thu Jul 28, 2005 13:12 |
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| PietroChocko wrote: |
no, you stand to be corrected. this is an international, english-predominant community here, so therefore the irish are the dumbies, not the belgians.
now YOU stand corrected. |
Well, well, well. You win, I accept your prerogative.
But jokes with chips won't really work with the Irish. |
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jay88
Joined: 22 Apr 2005
Posts: 281
Location: Sydney, Australia
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| Posted: Thu Jul 28, 2005 21:41 |
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Q:whats the difference between a crack dealer and a prostitute?
A:the dealer can't wash his crack and sell it again |
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todd_15
Joined: 06 Dec 2004
Posts: 511
Location: byronbay, australia
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| Posted: Fri Jul 29, 2005 03:55 |
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whats the difference between catman and jay 88?
hmm about 4 inches 
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FRA
Jamily Coach & Correspondent
Joined: 07 Aug 2004
Posts: 5477
Location: London don
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| Posted: Fri Jul 29, 2005 06:27 |
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A man is lying in bed in hospital with an oxygen mask over his mouth. A young student nurse appears to sponge his hands and feet.
"Nurse", he mumbles from behind the mask, "Are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young student replies, "I don't know I'm only here to wash your hands and feet."
He struggles again to ask,"Nurse are my testicles black?"
Finally she pulls back the covers, raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in her other hand and takes a closer look and says,"There is nothing wrong with them."
Fnally the mans pulls off his oxygen mask and replies
"That as very nice but, I asked ARE MY TEST RESULTS BACK?"
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Dye
Correspondent & Expert
Joined: 16 Nov 2003
Posts: 5146
Location: Planet Home; Buenos Aires, Argentina
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| Posted: Sun Jul 31, 2005 18:49 |
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Hello there,
Things You Don't Want to Hear During Surgery:
-Oops!
-Has anyone seen my watch?
-That was some party last night. I can't remember when I've been that drunk.
-Damn! Page 47 of the manual is missing!
-Well this book doesn't say that...What edition is your manual?
-OK, now take a picture from this angle. This is truly a freak of nature.
-Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.
-Come back with that! Bad Dog!
-Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?
-Hand me that...uh...that uh.....thingie
-If I can just remember how they did this on ER last week.
-Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before?
-Damn, there go the lights again...
-Ya know, there's big money in kidneys. Hell, the guy's got two of 'em.
-Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!
-Could you stop that thing from beating; it's throwing my concentration off.
-I wish I hadn't forgotten my glasses.
-Well folks, this will be an experiment for all of us.
-What do you mean he wasn't in for a sex change!
-What do you mean, he's not insured?
-This patient has already had some kids, am I correct?
-Nurse, did this patient sign the organ donation card?
-Don't worry. I think it is sharp enough.
-What do you mean "You want a divorce"!
-I don't know what it is, but hurry up and pack it in ice.
-Let's hurry, I don't want to miss "Bay Watch"
-That laughing gas stuff is pretty cool. Can I have some more of that?
-Hey Charlie, unzip the bag on that one, he's still moving.
-Did the doctor know he would look like that afterwards?
-Of course I've performed this operation before, Nurse!
-FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get out!
D! (dyego) |
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PietroChocko
Joined: 02 Oct 2003
Posts: 676
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| Posted: Mon Aug 01, 2005 04:10 |
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i said this joke in church. everyone couldn't stop laughing (i said it in front of 200 people).
One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the
local church. "Reverend," she said, "I have a problem, my
husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very
embarrassing. What should I do?"
"I have an idea," said the minister. "Take this hatpin with you.
I will be able to tell when Mr. Jones is sleeping, and I will
motion to you at specific times. When I motion, you give him a
good poke in the leg."
In church the following Sunday, Mr. Jones dozed off. Noticing
this, the preacher put his plan to work. "And who made the
ultimate sacrifice for you?" he said, nodding to Mrs. Jones.
"Jesus!", Jones cried as his wife jabbed him the leg with the
hatpin.
"Yes, you are right, Mr. Jones," said the minister. Soon, Mr.
Jones nodded off again. Again, the minister noticed. "Who is
your redeemer?" he asked the congregation, motioning towards
Mrs. Jones.
"God!" Mr. Jones cried out as he was stuck again with the hatpin.
"Right again," said the minister, smiling. Before long, Mr.
Jones again winked off. However, this time the minister did not
notice. As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he made a few
motions that Mrs. Jones mistook as signals to bayonet her
husband with the hatpin again.
The minister asked, "And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore
him his 99th son?"
Mrs. Jones poked her husband, who yelled, "You stick that
goddamned thing in me one more time and I'll break it in half
and shove it up your ass!"
"Amen," replied the congregation. |
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Lydster
Joined: 25 Jul 2005
Posts: 335
Location: Out.
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| Posted: Mon Aug 01, 2005 12:44 |
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@ Pietro & ophone: Here in Germany we make jokes about the people who live in North Germany, the "Ostfriesen", and about the people from South West Germany, the "Schwaben". For example: Why do the Ostfriesen build round houses? - Because dogs so can't piss at the corners!!! |
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todd_15
Joined: 06 Dec 2004
Posts: 511
Location: byronbay, australia
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| Posted: Mon Aug 01, 2005 13:59 |
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Pietro you refered to sex and u said ass in church.. ohh urr badd asss!
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