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Dye
Correspondent & Expert
Joined: 16 Nov 2003
Posts: 5146
Location: Planet Home; Buenos Aires, Argentina
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 Posted: Tue Jul 19, 2005 18:27 |
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JOKES
Hello Jamirotalkers
You know a very good joke? Post it! 
D! (dyego) |
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jay88
Joined: 22 Apr 2005
Posts: 281
Location: Sydney, Australia
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| Posted: Tue Jul 19, 2005 21:49 |
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A mushroom walks into a bar and tries to order a drink. The barman glares at him and points at a sign saying "no mushrooms served". The mushroom says "awwww come on! i'm a fun guy (fungi)"
eh? eh? yeh u know u like it |
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ophone
Joined: 31 May 2005
Posts: 2191
Location: Lëtzebuerg
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| Posted: Wed Jul 20, 2005 10:09 |
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A Belgian goes to a whore and asks her:
"What do you do for €1?"
She tells him to go wank himself.
After a quarter of an hour he comes back to her and tells her:
"Here you are, your €1."
(Sorry my fellow Belgians, but Belgians are considered to be kinda dumb here, and in France, and in Holland, and in Germany  ) |
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Pepela
Joined: 28 Jun 2005
Posts: 649
Location: Firenze, Italia
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| Posted: Wed Jul 20, 2005 10:44 |
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There was this couple that had been married for 20 years.
Every time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the light.
Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous.
She figured she would break him out of this crazy habit.
So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild,screaming,romantic session, she urned on the lights.
She looked down... and saw her husband was holding a battery-operated pleasure device... a vibrator!
Soft, wonderful and larger than a real one.
She went completely ballistic.
"You impotent *astard," She screamed at him, "how could you be lying to me all of these years?
"You better explain yourself!"
The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly:
"I'll explain the toy . . . you explain the kids."
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/pparkgame.html
TRADITIONAL ECONOMICS
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies and the economy grows. You retire on the income.
AMERICAN ECONOMICS
You have two cows. You sell one and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You profess surprise when the cow drops dead. You put the blame on some nation with cows and naturally that nation will be a
danger to mankind. You wage a war to save the world and grab the cows.
FRENCH ECONOMICS
You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
GERMAN ECONOMICS
You have two cows. You reengineer them so that they live for 100 years, eat once a month and milk themselves.
BRITISH ECONOMICS
You have two cows. They are both mad.
ITALIAN ECONOMICS
You have two cows. You don't know where they are. You break for lunch.
JAPANESE ECONOMICS
You have two cows. You redesign them so that they are one-tenth the size of an Ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create cute cartoon cow images called Cowkimon and Market them worldwide.
RUSSIAN ECONOMICS
You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 17 cows. You give up counting and open another bottle of vodka.
CHINESE ECONOMICS
You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity and arrest anyone reporting the actual numbers.
BANGLADESH ECONOMICS
You have two cows. You don't know economy. You choose one of them as the Prime Minister of the country and The other as the Leader of the Opposition.
PAKISTAN ECONOMICS
You don't have any cows. You go to your friends house where he hospitably offers one of his cows as a gift. You tell all your other friends, who tell all their friends; before your hospitable friend knows it he has thousands of Pakistani's at his door.
INDIAN ECONOMICS
You have two cows. You worship them. |
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Dye
Correspondent & Expert
Joined: 16 Nov 2003
Posts: 5146
Location: Planet Home; Buenos Aires, Argentina
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| Posted: Wed Jul 20, 2005 17:16 |
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Why can't Superman change his clothes in the phone booth?
Because of the wheelchair.
--------------
The midwife entered the labour room with the newly borned baby on her arms. When the baby comes, she accidentaly drops it on the floor.
The mum 'heyy what are you doing??'
-'Nah don't worry you should see how slip the ones that born dead'
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Two thieves enter to a bank and they gag everyone. They open one of the vaults, and one of them say:
-Look! There's no money, only yoghurt!
-Yeah, but if it is here, it must me a very valuable yoghurt! Let's eat it!
And they ate all of the yoghurt. After that, they open another vault and found even more yoghurt.
-Oh not again!! More yoghurt! OK let's eat it!
They ate 50 cups of yoghurt each one again. After they finished, they open a new vault and found more yoghurt.
-Not again!! You told me we were gonna rob a bank!
-But it is a bank! On the entrance it says: SPERM BANK
D! (dyego) |
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jay88
Joined: 22 Apr 2005
Posts: 281
Location: Sydney, Australia
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| Posted: Wed Jul 20, 2005 21:39 |
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Wots the difference between Michael Jackson and facial hair?
Facial hair waits til youre 16 to come on your face!   |
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EvoV
Joined: 02 Dec 2003
Posts: 1421
Location: figueira da foz - Portugal
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| Posted: Wed Jul 20, 2005 23:10 |
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| jay88 wrote: |
Wots the difference between Michael Jackson and facial hair?
Facial hair waits til youre 16 to come on your face! |
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ophone
Joined: 31 May 2005
Posts: 2191
Location: Lëtzebuerg
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| Posted: Thu Jul 21, 2005 07:47 |
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| Diego// Twenty Zero Three wrote: |
Why can't Superman change his clothes in the phone booth?
Because of the wheelchair. |
That's quite impossible nowadays! The guy who played Superman died recently.  |
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ophone
Joined: 31 May 2005
Posts: 2191
Location: Lëtzebuerg
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| Posted: Thu Jul 21, 2005 07:48 |
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What's the difference between an eagle?
His wings have the same size, especially the right one! |
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todd_15
Joined: 06 Dec 2004
Posts: 511
Location: byronbay, australia
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| Posted: Thu Jul 21, 2005 10:29 |
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two condoms walk up to a gay bar... and one condom says to the other "hey wanna go in and get shit faced"   (i hope u get that)
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PietroChocko
Joined: 02 Oct 2003
Posts: 676
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| Posted: Sat Jul 23, 2005 06:30 |
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what's the worst thing about luxembourg?
it's above sea level. |
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todd_15
Joined: 06 Dec 2004
Posts: 511
Location: byronbay, australia
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| Posted: Sat Jul 23, 2005 06:36 |
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Whats the best thing about luxemburg?
the fact that we dont have to live there 
_________________
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ophone
Joined: 31 May 2005
Posts: 2191
Location: Lëtzebuerg
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| Posted: Sat Jul 23, 2005 10:04 |
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What's the best thing about Australia?
It's probably the farest place on Earth from here. |
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Dye
Correspondent & Expert
Joined: 16 Nov 2003
Posts: 5146
Location: Planet Home; Buenos Aires, Argentina
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| Posted: Sat Jul 23, 2005 17:33 |
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| ophone wrote: |
| Diego// Twenty Zero Three wrote: |
Why can't Superman change his clothes in the phone booth?
Because of the wheelchair. |
That's quite impossible nowadays! The guy who played Superman died recently. |
That's right ---> Old Joke  |
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ophone
Joined: 31 May 2005
Posts: 2191
Location: Lëtzebuerg
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| Posted: Sun Jul 24, 2005 10:55 |
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| ophone wrote: |
What's the best thing about Australia?
It's probably the farest place on Earth from here. |
I have to apologise.
Not Australia, but New Zealand is the farest place from here.  |
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